Strengthening the Parent and District Relationship
The following scenario is one that is way too familiar to me: Sitting around a table with both parents and district educators, discussing the needs of a child, with one or both sides claiming that they feel the other is not doing their part to facilitate student success. These claims span from accusing the other of not providing accurate or ample information, to feeling like their suggestions had not been considered or were outright ignored, all the way to the claim that one party is actually intentionally hindering the progress of the student by not communicating effectively with the other.
So how can this be avoided?
The one thing I believe, and I say this with all certainty, is that no one... not a parent, not a teacher, not an advocate, not a Child Study Team member, not a specialist... actually WANTS to hinder the progress of a child. Never, ever, ever.
Then why so often do others feel differently?
When you have a strenuous relationship with someone, you tend to lose trust in that person. If you think about it, the quality of the parent-district relationship shouldn’t really matter, but it does. You would hope that a child would get the best of all services he/she deserves despite the relationship between the parents and district… just as you would hope to get the best service at a restaurant even after sending back your food. Twice. But let’s face it, your waiter still may take the opportunity to step on your steak if you annoy him enough. Ew.
The parent-district relationship should be strong and should be respectful, and expectations should be reasonable. A common misconception is that if the educators just did their job correctly, that a child will improve. Another I’ve heard is that if parents just did what the team suggests, the child will be easy to teach. The success of a child is a TEAM EFFORT, and both sides should make an effort to create a winning team. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?
I’ve only “technically” been on one side of the table- The educators’ side. But as a person who grew up with a family member who has Down’s Syndrome living in my household, and just by being a person who is genuinely very compassionate, I feel I can see things from a family’s perspective as well. I’ve always been told I’m excellent participant at meetings. I maintain my objectiveness but I am able to really make a family feel heard. I’m also excellent at explaining things so that people understand them. Even so, when you are a parent whose emotional attachment is so great that you would do anything for the child being discussed, I imagine it can be difficult to accept others’ opinions that don’t match with your own.
In order to facilitate a strong, respectful relationship, there are things that both parents and educators can do to speed along the process. You will see the word “respect” written here more than once. Actually you will see it many times. As far as I’m concerned, the foundation of a strong parent-district relationship, the reoccurring theme... at all times... should be respect.
Educators must establish consistent, regular communication with the parents through their preferred method of communication. Same goes for parents. If you find yourself saying... “she never returns my phone calls”... then maybe send an email instead. Of course it always needs to be determined when a phone call, a person-to-person interaction, is necessary. I would NOT want to find out that my child got into a physical altercation with another student in an email. But otherwise, determine early on which is the best way to communicate for both parties. That way, parents especially won’t be blindsided with any information, particularly information pertaining to behavior issues. Additionally, have reasonable expectations when leaving a message. Educators are doing just that... educating. Parents are parenting, working, etc. Allow time for the other to respond. If more than 48 hours go by, follow up with a second contact. As a parent, I may also call another member of the team, to stress the importance of the call. You may just find out that the initial person you contacted is out sick, or away at a conference.
I personally feel that it’s important for the parents and members of the district, specifically the IEP team, to get to know each other. Knowledge is power. This sets the stage for the educators to know the child better also. I’ll say this right now... just to put it out there … Parents know their child best, and this needs to be respected. THAT BEING SAID, educators know best how the child is behaving and performing in school. And parents should respect that as well. Both parents and educators will have valuable input as to what the child is like, and what may work best for him or her.
Both the parents and the educators should contact each other with updates, and not just the “bad” ones. It’s important to call parents and tell them that Johnny went into the auditorium today during a school assembly for the first time without crying! And it’s as equally important when a parent calls to tell his teacher that Johnny went to get a haircut yesterday, and for the first time ever he got through it without screaming! Improvements big and small should be shared and should be celebrated! Achievements make everyone involved feel happy, valued, effective, and motivated to keep going!
Parents should never be afraid to speak up or ask a question. The unasked questioned is always a bad one. Parents should prepare before a meeting or phone conference by writing down any questions they may have so they don’t forget. They should always be respectful of the fact that not all questions can be answered immediately. Every now again, the educators on the Child Study Team will need to research an answer, or double check with an administrator how to best answer the question. The educators always want to make sure they are giving you correct information. For example, if a parent has a special request, the case manager will need to make sure the request is appropriate, feasible and adheres to the law.
As a behavior analyst I have this wonderful thing called data which supports what I’m saying. Parents won’t necessarily have this, but that does not necessarily make what they are saying any less true. Educators need to document what parents are reporting. Remember... educators can only really attest to what happens when a child is in their care... when he/she is in their building. Parents can only really attest to what is demonstrated when the child is with them in their care, in their home setting. Therefore, it’s quite possible that.......... wait for it…….... BOTH sides are correct! Together, decisions will be made with the goal of a successful plan for the child. The best educators know that sometimes things they suggest don’t work, and it will be necessary to try something new. The best parents understand and accept this as well.
A strong relationship between parents and their school district has endless benefits, and CAN be easily achieved. Respect what each other is saying. Remain calm. Listen without interruption. Let people finish their thoughts. Take notes. Take time to ask questions, and to write down the responses. Research. Keep on top of things. Ask how things are going. Do this, and who will be the ultimate winner of this positive parent-district relationship? The child.
